HATE maths, LOVE numbers....

All of the handful of people that read my articles are engineers and humans. (Although it would be cool to send some of my sarcasm up the SETI program, a hint of our defenses in case they attack us). The one string that binds engineers of all branches is the fact that we all hate maths. Ironically we are called the ‘Maths Stream’ in our class twelfth.

It is not just we engineers that hate maths, everyone who was ever introduced to it hated it. It is actually like a serpent with many heads, where we begin at its tail. As we learn more we crawl on that slimy, scaly body of the serpent. And just when we thought that we have had enough of it, it diversifies into its many heads, each ghastly and breathing fire in form of questions. Soon it is a matter of life and death for all those who stick to this field. The clever (euphemism) decide its better to cut open a human rather than fight with that multi headed beast of a serpent.

All my life I grew up in the notion that maths is the most hated subject (history runs a close second, but I am a Cancerian and it continues to fascinate me). My life has been a quest to like and love this subject but even in my most benevolent of moods (when I got good grades in maths), the best emotion that I had for this subject was indifference. (Emoticonally: K)

This was a subject that made me hate numbers and alphabets alike. I was so obsessed in hating it that every legible letter or number presented a mathematical problem to me and every illegible writing (symbol) a mathematical impossibility. I began hating it so much that any number, even on the currency nauseated me and the alphabets, well I almost gave up reading. That was all before my high school level mathematics.

Then from being a ‘practical’ subject it changed to absurdity and imaginatives with huge amount of superlatives and assumptions. What made me hate it most was the cyclic nature of the problems, one solution usually lead to another complex problem. It was as if life was an asymptote, always nearing the answer but never touching. (To top it mathematicians say that it touches at infinity, that’s some positive attitude filled ass they have got).

So coming to my point, I like every engineer alive, hate maths. Life would be much simpler without it, but then maths is the language in which science is read. The rest of the population (non-engineers, or non-maths people) also hate maths.

But this was an observation made within my academia or field. When I observe life in general I find the greatest irony in this regard. People hate maths but they love numbers. We as a human race (okay, an intelligent species) are obsessed with numbers.

Not believing me? U will!

Try to remember any conversation that took place without numbers.

To judge the relations between two countries, we determine the total trade between them (numbers), or the visas issued (numbers). Never the fact that how one country helped another or may shape its future ( and if ever its done its not the way but the number of the amount is noted)

Talk about marriage of a person. The bride’s side is not at all concerned with the groom’s hobbies, goals in life etc. These questions have been reserved for interviews. What we need are numbers:

1.      His salary

2.      His height

3.      His weight

4.      The number of houses owned (not withstanding if those houses are ever treated as home)

5.      The number of brothers/sisters (not the relation between them)

And so on. The talk of marriage continues and ends with numbers.

At the end the marriage is usually remembered in numbers too. Not a sunny/chilly day but a date.

Not the bride or groom but the dowry and the amount spent in the marriage. (Again a huge amount of money denotes a successful marriage). ha!

In college we are usually treated according to numbers. Initially our Enterance ranks and then by our C.P.I. A good cpi makes you a model student by default. You can get your way around the department, just wave around with that mark sheet of yours. The obsession of numbers gets it done.

And we reciprocate beautifully too. Our allurement towards numbers ensures we eye more on the amount a company has to offer rather than the fact if the job profile will suit us. We are judged similarly, the first question a person asks related to your job is the amount you earn, or as the term has it package offered. This is probably the last question too, because no one cares what you do as long as you are getting a fat roll of bills for it.

We are so obsessed with numbers that we use them in or daily life to increase our significance. Anything to which a fancy number is attached is deemed important, be it a comet, a car, mobile model, classified project, movie etc. All around us we are surrounded by maze of numbers.

Numbers determine intensity. You bribe for Rs. 50 is all right, after all it’s a small number but a corruption of xxxx crores by some sports minister (or any minister) for organizing fancy games is a crime they should pay for.

You taking advantage of a public property/money are alright (as long as it translates to a small number) but if a chief minister is taking flats worth xxx crores, you are all inflamed up. After all its crores, it’s a huge number.

Numbers can size up art. A piece of art sold for a million makes it the best piece of art. Who views its artistically, we killed the artist in ourselves long ago.

Skill or records of a person are also subject to numbers. The best batsman had the best and highest numbers on his side. No matter the conditions in which they were made or if they helped the team, he has large figures.

Finally to our personal life. Relationships are determined by:

1.      The number of text messages shared

2.      The number of text messages she sent.

3.      The number of calls you made.

4.      The number of times you went out together.

5.      The number of times you are able to meet with her.

6.      The number of time you have been together.

Everything else is immaterial.
Talking to a person is no more using number between words, rather its using words between numbers.

Guilt, Love, Success, happiness, hatred, sorrow all of these seemingly ‘inexpressible’ and ‘abstract’ are nothing but a function of numbers now.

A small guilt for a small number (of times/money) wrong doing.

A large love of they meet for large number of times, chat, message and talk for large numbers too.

Success is magnanimous depending on number of cars, homes, money owned etc. Who cares for what you feel.

I remember times when we read that cave men used a basic reference as their whole language or expression system. It may be anything, cows, goats, rocks. Anything. Then we ‘evolved’ and diversified in culture, intelligence and all the crap we boast of but we did not notice our trajectory was circular and now we are heading back to the cave men routine, this time the reference being numbers.

Our only hopes are children not introduced to maths and numbers. Talk to them and they talk of passions, likings and such emotions in everything oblivious to numbers. They ask how we feel rather than the money we make at a job. Their questions are “Is he taller then Amitabh Bachchan or is he smarter tha you?”

They ask “Do you love her?” rather than “How many messages have you sent her that she did not reply?”

Each of their questions makes us wanting to feel the answer rather than search for an estimate.

But even they cannot hold back the flood of numbers.

We are a race obsessed with numbers.

P.s. I hate numbers but I love maths. This was just to make you read the article. Now I will head on to count the number of stars, this might seem a futile activity but has its awe.